Merging

Merging with others means that you take on their traditions, habits, and beliefs. We all do this to some capacity because we’re wired to be interdependent on one other. We cannot survive without any social interaction - it is just as vital to our survival as water, food, and sleep. When our best friend is hurting, we hurt with them. When our husband or child is joyous, we feel joy too because they are a part of us. From these intimate bonds, we adopt similar patterns of behavior, passions, or general likeness to one another. So as we form tribes among our family, significant others, friends, and colleagues, we map those we care about most to our identity.

But what happens when we morph so far into others that we don’t know who we are or where our identity lies? What about when we’re so un-self-aware that the idea of our own sense of identity is non-existent? This can be a very difficult line to discern.

Severing a relationship and de-merging with someone is like prematurely removing a dying-but-never-fully-dead limb without anesthesia. Detaching it is painful and reveals raw, exposed bone and muscle, leaving you a different shape than you were before. It will take a while for the wound to heal, for you to get used to the missing piece, and then for you to accept that you may never be exactly who you were again.

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