The Impact of Being Nice

Someone stated recently that I was too nice to have been a respectable and effective manager while at my last job. 

For the sake of privacy, I won’t share additional context that would help paint the picture of exactly how much that bothered me, but I will say that it infuriated me for longer than I’d like to admit. How could someone who barely knows me, who didn’t see the elbow grease I put into learning management skills, who has no clue how much I stepped out of my comfort zone in order to earn the trust and respect of my colleagues, reduce that into just being nice?

Was I perfect? I know I wasn’t, and as I continue to struggle with a desire to defend my efficacy rise and fall, rise and fall, that desire extends to other managers I know because, unfortunately, she’s not alone in her perspective. There will always be people who look at those they deem “too nice” and assume that’s their only quality of value. She and people like her diminish the niceness of others and equate it to weakness, a lack of impact, or a general sense of being less-than.

Over the years, some of my best managers have been very nice people, but they’ve also been strategic, smart, humble, self-sufficient, knowledgeable, genuine, intentional, aware, and wise.

When I had to have difficult conversations with these managers, they intentionally fostered an environment of transparency and respect. I could initiate conversations that ranged from how they’d angered me to expressing disagreement regarding one of their decisions to me being vulnerable with them, where, despite my best efforts, I broke down in tears. They all responded with receptiveness, gentleness, and a drive to listen and understand, earning my trust. They assured me that our working relationship wasn’t harmed and that their trust in my abilities was un-diminished, earning my respect and loyalty.

Humor me for a moment and think about other important qualities to have as a professional. I’m thinking of competency. Being able to do your job successfully is a universally accepted requirement for workers and organizations, and even that only goes so far. In an organization with good leadership, competency won’t help you if you choose to cut corners, harm those you work with, or be a toxic worker in any other manner. So while, yes, niceness alone only goes so far, it enhances your other good qualities, increasing the impact you have on those around you, and it’s deeply near-sighted to underestimate that.

I consider myself incredibly lucky to work under leaders who care about my personhood as well as my productivity, respect me while holding me accountable, and yes, are nice. While I’m not in management anymore, I will have done something right if I had a fraction of the impact that my managers have had on me.