Ugly Healing

Oftentimes we’re painted a generalized blanket statement of the healing process being a beautiful, emotional wholeness-centered process where the sun is shining and the birds are singing and clarity is abundant. While healing can have those moments, it’s a bit more complicated than that. You will have good days and bad days, but even more importantly than that, healing forces you to change.

I didn’t want to own my vulnerability because I thought it was wrong to feel weak.

Though it’s inevitable, we resist change. We operate in the comfort of our own complacency until change invades our vision. When we experience anything in our lives that requires healing, it forces us to stop in our tracks. Or you can try to forge ahead with your life, growing whatever problem you’re not dealing with like a disease, taking the unhealthy route by ignoring it. When you decide to face it though, healing is a force that brings out ugliness. You will feel your anger, your rage in its rawest form. Your insecurities, despair, and pain will be overwhelming at times. Some days though, you’ll wake up have with your wound residing in the back of your head.

During a recent healing process of mine, I thought I always had to be strong, even with God. I didn’t want to own my vulnerability because I thought it was wrong to feel weak. One day God affirmed in me that He was walking through it with me, and that weakness is okay. Owning the rawness of my vulnerability allows Him to hold my healing rather than I trudge through it on my own. It also allows Him to protect me from its dangerous side effects. While it’s still uncomfortable, difficult, and painful, it’s somehow smaller than before. With God, the healing process fosters the change we need in order to grow.

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